You are to read this at the end of 2016. Here are the things I hope for you in the year 2016:
1. Your bangs grow out. People seem to love them and compliment them but jesus they're a pain in the ass to straighten every morning. Remember for any upcoming hair decisions: YOUR HAIR IS CURLY! Short bangs + curly hair= straightening every day! That's annoying.
2. You enjoy your time being a bridesmaid for Julia. Key word: ENJOY. Yes, being in a wedding costs a lot of money. Yes, you'll have to wear a dress (but the dress is actually awesome). Yes, you'll have to walk down an aisle with people looking at you (ugh, already have anxiety). But you have to enjoy it because this is her only wedding (fingers crossed). This is a girl you've known since you were a child. This is your friend so enjoy it because it only happens once (again, fingers crossed).
3. Learn to take a compliment. On New Year's Eve, several people complimented you. And do you know how you responded? Do you remember? You said, "Okay, everybody stop looking at Veronica now." Why? You love the way you look right now! You're so proud of it! So just smile and say, "Thank you, I really appreciate it". Then move on. But take it, appreciate it- don't deny it, don't deflect it. Soak it in.
4. Keep working out. Everyone who says, "Isn't it wonderful? Don't you feel great?" Um, yeah, when I look in the mirror in smaller shirts and jeans, yes, it feels great. But the actual working out part? No, that is not wonderful, it does not feel great. Working out sucks and I hate every single second of it. But I do it because I have to, it's just a part of life now, no matter how much I despise it. So keep going, keep working until you feel completely comfortable. Wait, let me emphasis that, until YOU feel completely comfortable. Not what a BMI scale tells you, not what other people tell you, not what your friends weigh. When YOU feel happy, when you're comfortable, when you're at your best then we'll work on maintaining. One step at a time. This is the best we've done in years. On that note....
5. If you gain the weight back, do NOT beat yourself up about it. It happens, you know that better than anyone. You're allowed to have a set back, it's okay. Just wake up the next day and try to do better, that's all any of us can do.
6. Write. Write. Write. Write. Write. Get it, yet? Remember, why you are the way you are, it's because of your writing. Remember how much you love writing. Whether it's on your blog, or one of these letters, or your journal, or your fanfiction (oh yeah, I just admitted to the world, we still write fanfiction). Remember, writing keeps you sane. It's your safe haven. It's your first love. Treat it kindly and generously. You'll succeed.
7. Be kinder to yourself. We always think we're being attacked. Sometimes we are but a lot of the time, it's in our head. We're always on the defense. We're always ready to be hurt and upset. Probably because "hurt and upset" was our default setting for so many years. You know you're loved. You know it. Try to keep it in mind. We're awesome, accept it and screw anyone who tries to tell you different.
8. Don't put so much pressure on finding love. You're allowed to want a boyfriend and a relationship, that's natural. Most people want companionship and we're not immune to it. Try not to force it. But don't settle either. You're independent, successful, funny (in a way), a huge nerd, and you have an unbelievable heart. Someone will see it eventually but it'll never be on our time table. That's okay.
9. I hope you saw a butt ton of movies in 2016 because...well because the theater is our church and we should worship regularly.
10. Last but not least because this list is in absolutely no order: I hope everyone in the family stayed healthy this year. I hope there were no funerals and if there were, I'm sorry and I hope 2017 is better.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, END OF 2016 VERONICA!
January 2016 Veronica