First Time Viewing: Jurassic Park

         I just watched Jurassic Park for the first time. Shocking, I know, because I do love Spielberg and his movies. But I have a problem watching movies where the animals turn against the people. It upsets me. In fact, my parents to this day make fun of me because of how terrified I was of the movies Buddy and Mighty Joe Young. I don't even remember what they were about and I remembering EVERYTHING about movies I like. My brain has seriously blocked out those two movies.

    Anyway, while I was watching I would take brief moments to pause and text my friend Bonnie. She recently watched all the Jurassic Park movies last weekend. Then I figured I should stop because it's the 4th of July and she's probably busy. But I remember the last four things I yelled out in my apartment and put those down here too. Maybe some people will find this unintentional commentary funny but in fact, I was scared out of my friggin mind watching this movie. And there's random thunder out tonight and you know what, people? Thunder sounds a hell of a lot like a T-Rex heading for my apartment!

    Here are my texts to Bonnie and random thoughts I yelled out loud in my apartment. By the way, MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW!

I want a baby velicopraptor.

They just started the tour. Duckface from Full House was the kid in the beginning! At least I think it was him. And the old man's grandson is from one of my favorite childhood movies, Radio Flyer.

I PREFER THE T-REX IN TOY STORY OVER THIS MONSTER

The old man is way too fucking calm while his grandkids are running around with loose dinosaurs.

That fucking thing that killed the fat guy (Newman from Seinfeld) scared the shit out of me.

These dinosaurs are disgusting with all the goo they keep spewing.

I love the young girl, she asks the right questions. "Are they meat eaters? Are they meat-a-saurs?

Jeff Goldblum's character is great. When the T-Rex first got out he was like, "I'm tired of being right all the time."

No way, that kid could survive the car going into the tree. All he did was vomit? He should be dead.

THE FUCKING RAPTORS GOT OUT!

  My face exactly.

My face exactly.

HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

JESUS CHRIST!

Did I just see a snake?! Why is a snake in a dinosaur park!?

THE COMPUTERS ARE SO SLOW! WORK FASTER!

I no longer want a velociraptor.

So wait...IT'S OVER?!

WE JUST LET THE T-REX HAVE RUN OF THE PLACE?

    No, but seriously, people. That was the end? It was a great movie but that was the end?! The T-Rex just gets run of island? Is this why there are two other movies? I'm going to have to watch the two other movies, aren't I? 

    Fine, you've convinced me. I'll watch the other two.